She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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