I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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