I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
