I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
