I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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