and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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