smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Another day, another engagement, another cat
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
