My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
