It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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