I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
