so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
