member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
