Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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