Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
