Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
