I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
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