You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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