butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
