Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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