maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
