I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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