I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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