a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize
