This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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