I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
areolas are like halos for boobs.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
