In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
