Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Randomize
