My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
They are going to name an STD after you.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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