the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
