If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize