She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize