I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
