Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
