Umm I'm too high to move.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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