So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
