Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
