Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
