Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
