I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
