I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
