I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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