Plan B is the new Plan A
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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