So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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