Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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