i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
How external is "for external use only"?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
