I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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