i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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