I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
