playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
