I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
you made out with another girl for some wings
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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