Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
