theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
