ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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