The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize