You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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