everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
