i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I think I sprained my soul last night
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
