Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
