An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
