Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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