hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize