walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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