"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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