It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
