You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize