Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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