I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
