He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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