I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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