Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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