she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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