Swine flu. Run for my life!
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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