I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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