So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
