remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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