alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
