isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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