I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
