The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
