How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
