i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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