I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
