I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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