Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
