Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
