I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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