Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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