"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
