I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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