Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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