just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Is Oprah even human
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
